I hope that the day when you have to read this letter is far off, maybe even never, but if you are... [And there are a few false starts scratched out there]
The love we shared in this place was an unexpected blessing, one that I still suspect that I do not deserve. I felt much the same about our friendship back home. That I am blessed to know a man such as you, strong, kind and determined beyond all measure. Also stubborn and a bit too naive sometimes, but those are rather minor compared to your good points.
But, you have been a true friend and the best husband I could ever ask for. And while I have loved many before, none of that compares to what I have felt for you and what we have had here in this place. While we are now parted, know that I will always love you, even if I have been forced to forget it all. The heart cannot be overwritten so easily.
I know that it is hard for you right now, to be parted from me so cruely and I wish I could say something that would make the hurt go away, words of strength that would make it more bareable. That I have no doubt caused you such hurt pains me to no end. All I can ask is that you do not grieve me forever. I could not stand to think of it. Please live on, for the friends who are still with you and those you will meet in the future. And most of all for me.
But, I digress and I do not wish to end my last message to you on a tragic note. Know that I love you more than anything and that if I could have spent eternity with you I would have. Even during those times here where I struggled to find my path, I was still happy because you were there by my side, supporting me and undergoing the same struggles.
And I will continue to walk that path with you, in my heart, always and forever.
This is not what I would normally write to you about, but I feel that should I leave this place, there are things that need to be said. Things that should have been said back home long ago and that might still be said, but that I may not be able to say to you. You leave me strangely tongue tied in that matter, Date Masamune. Which I know you are scoffing at. Please stop, it is unbecoming.
But I just wanted to say, that despite it all, I have always respected you and always known you to be a better man than you appear to be. Which is why you were so aggravating to me at first and I said such cruel words. I am not entirely sorry for that, because I felt it was needful.
And you never owed me a debt. I spoke up that day because I felt it was right, nothing more and nothing less. I admit it was a bit insulting when you seemed to think there was some ulterior motive behind it. But that is in the past and I believe you have grown past that, to have spared my life so at Hasedo when it would have been more pragmatic to end it. At the very least, you wouldn't have lost much by it.
Back home, you have helped me continue on with my dreams when I thought I had long lost them. I do not bow down to the Tokugawa rule because I believe in their clan's cause, but because of you and the power of your vision, which is not so different from mine. You do not talk of it, but I believe you have true honor, deep in your heart. It is just a different kind than mine.
And as for everything that has happened here, in this place between us, I am both sorry and thankful. There is much that I regret in my behavior here, even that which has been influenced by the goddess, though I will not dwell on that. Who doesn't have regrets here?
I have enjoyed working beside you though and the brief time that we lived together and I apologize if my leaving aggravates you in any way, though I may be giving myself too much credit.
But I ramble too much, which I am sure you are thinking. You are very hard to talk to, even though letters. I will see you on the other side.
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timeasmymeasure
Yukimura
Date: 2013-01-08 04:29 am (UTC)[And there are a few false starts scratched out there]
The love we shared in this place was an unexpected blessing, one that I still suspect that I do not deserve. I felt much the same about our friendship back home. That I am blessed to know a man such as you, strong, kind and determined beyond all measure. Also stubborn and a bit too naive sometimes, but those are rather minor compared to your good points.
But, you have been a true friend and the best husband I could ever ask for. And while I have loved many before, none of that compares to what I have felt for you and what we have had here in this place. While we are now parted, know that I will always love you, even if I have been forced to forget it all. The heart cannot be overwritten so easily.
I know that it is hard for you right now, to be parted from me so cruely and I wish I could say something that would make the hurt go away, words of strength that would make it more bareable. That I have no doubt caused you such hurt pains me to no end. All I can ask is that you do not grieve me forever. I could not stand to think of it. Please live on, for the friends who are still with you and those you will meet in the future. And most of all for me.
But, I digress and I do not wish to end my last message to you on a tragic note. Know that I love you more than anything and that if I could have spent eternity with you I would have. Even during those times here where I struggled to find my path, I was still happy because you were there by my side, supporting me and undergoing the same struggles.
And I will continue to walk that path with you, in my heart, always and forever.
-Naoe Kanetsugu
Masamune
Date: 2013-01-18 02:21 am (UTC)But I just wanted to say, that despite it all, I have always respected you and always known you to be a better man than you appear to be. Which is why you were so aggravating to me at first and I said such cruel words. I am not entirely sorry for that, because I felt it was needful.
And you never owed me a debt. I spoke up that day because I felt it was right, nothing more and nothing less. I admit it was a bit insulting when you seemed to think there was some ulterior motive behind it. But that is in the past and I believe you have grown past that, to have spared my life so at Hasedo when it would have been more pragmatic to end it. At the very least, you wouldn't have lost much by it.
Back home, you have helped me continue on with my dreams when I thought I had long lost them. I do not bow down to the Tokugawa rule because I believe in their clan's cause, but because of you and the power of your vision, which is not so different from mine. You do not talk of it, but I believe you have true honor, deep in your heart. It is just a different kind than mine.
And as for everything that has happened here, in this place between us, I am both sorry and thankful. There is much that I regret in my behavior here, even that which has been influenced by the goddess, though I will not dwell on that. Who doesn't have regrets here?
I have enjoyed working beside you though and the brief time that we lived together and I apologize if my leaving aggravates you in any way, though I may be giving myself too much credit.
But I ramble too much, which I am sure you are thinking. You are very hard to talk to, even though letters. I will see you on the other side.
-Naoe Kanetsugu